2020 Smith, Lynn Rilean
Misguided Angels that once guided me.
Souls like a Lucifer. Black and cold like a piece of lead.
Link above credits go to YouTube.
Before you get offended, keep one thing in mind.
Some of us have come along way to reach this level of love for any kind of a God or higher power.
I remember Gramma reminding us to say our bedtime prayer. I still start with that as a 46 year old when I lay me down to sleep. It took time, but it came back.
When I started praying again, after a time out, I started with STUPID.
It was suggested to me to just talk into the air and consider that my prayer. Consider the air my God. “What kind of hog wash is that,” I wondered. Indeed I thought that advice was as stupid as you may think this is now, as you are reading this.
Not to mention, talk about feeling stupid.
But I did it.
I did it, and it worked.
Thank you ~ The Haven.
I have been thanking GOD 24/7 since approximately 2012, even while the thread got tangled.
Life is so full of beauty today and I always try to see the good in other’s first.
Even now as I write this. I’m inspired to do so by someone’s beautiful heart. A heart that is broken and hurting today. I relate to this young lady and her heart right now.
Looking at her circumstance is like looking in the mirror at 14 year old me.
This is not me shaming or belittling your God or your book.
Even though you may absorb it as such. I halfway apologize if this hurts you.
This is my authenticity bleeding here and now because it wasn’t okay to do so back then.
This is me sharing what your interpretation of that book caused me in my youth and where I am with it all now in the middle of my life.
This is me sharing my love for GOOD and what I feel as God wraps me in sunshine again this morning.
My husband and my youngest son, sitting and talking, here on the patio with me.
Reminding me how blessed I am. How every day is a new day and to live it like I’m dying. Why? Because I am. We all are.
I wrote this on my way home last night, as the youngest son rode shotgun with his bonus Dad.
I can say God is GOOD because the word God no longer scares me. I hope you remember that because this moment we’re all in will pass and this time next year thing’s will be different.
You will be different, maybe very different, and it’s quite possible something will change the entire universe you’re in.
I do hope your stomach turns and your heart hurts if you are guilty of forcing a love like this onto someone else.
The love I will share with you that they once tried to cram down my throat. Down the throat of my siblings. Down the throat of the ones I loved the most. Myself, guilty of trying to feed my own children the fear of God.
What if instead?
What if instead of cursing the girl barely holding on by a thread, you love her gently and offer her your hand to hold?
Hold her, let her cry, let her know you love her by your actions, not your scripture.
In those photos above we were broken because you took our mom and she drank your poison, leaving us to wonder why.
To the man I see in you now doing the same thing to another woman and the children she bared.
What if that lesson to be learned isn’t your decision to make or to teach her?
What if her heart is made of pure gold but your eyes only know how to see the worst in people?
As you claim to be of God, you look down on others as if they are put here to live a life just for you, like a page out of your little black book.
I have faced many of you, and looked in your eyes and saw a bottomless black hole.
It is you that’s missing out and it’s you I hear God saying to me I need protected from.
As if you have some kind of super human God power.
That’s not what I read when I read that same book.
That’s not what the pastor said to me the day I was baptized.
That’s not what my heart feels when pages from the book are shared with me.
I was told to love my sister and my brother.
I was told do good and to be good.
Your book gets confusing.
I respect that book but I will never beat you up with it.
Stop deceiving people into the evil you have from it’s interpretation.
I feel God every time I put my feet in the River. I see God every time I look out across an open sky. I hear God every time the birds sing. I hear God every time a child laughs. I see God every time a child smiles. I hear God every time a child says I love you. I feel God every time that child hugs my neck. I see God in all I do and if I don’t, it’s not because God left my side. I’m the one who let go of the hand that holds mine. Not the other way around. I’m never without the power of that love, beauty, strength, or resilience. I make a choice if I don’t see, hear or feel it. A conscious choice.
I won’t let you burn down my church. You can’t. You don’t have the power to take that away from me or anyone else.
I will always share the holy water that wraps it’s arms around me as I walk into it.
I will always hold my hand out to you if you want to go with me.
I can talk to you until I’m blue in the face about how good God is to and for me. I won’t though. I don’t have to do that.
The only thing I have now to say I’ve learned about God, is that every thing you tried to force onto me about what God was to you and what God was supposed to be to me, is everything I’ve found God not to be.
Do wrong and just head to confession.
What kind of twisted communion bread is that?
That’s only asking for misguided angels, if you ask me, which I’m sure you won’t.
That’s also what I call biblical torture and child abuse.
Then you cry out to God and wonder why people choose to walk away from you, from the church.
You can’t teach God, nor can you take a heart into your hand and brand God onto it, and expect it to beat for a man.
The book wasn’t written for you to throw at people. It wasn’t written for you to manipulate people. It wasn’t written to give you permission to be almighty.
That scripture you quoted in the same breath you used to call her a whore, where is God in that?
What if her pillow is soaked in tears as she prays herself to sleep tonight because your words hit her like a leather strap to the face?
The God I know is sitting on the side of her bed watching this beautiful girl cry, as you are in the other room highlighting tomorrow’s verse of the day.
What if you’re too busy trying to per-fect a book that’s been written for man by many men and you’re missing out on the true love of God because of such perfection?
What if for one moment you stop playing a game of God and look around at the beauty your eyes can behold that is God.
What if you let God love you back instead of acting as God?
I love the book too.
A VERY BIG BUT…….
I refuse to fall for another man made tale of who God is or isn’t.
If you treat another heart as diseased then, are you not yourself, the cancer?
I refuse to let that book give me a false sense of authority over another heart and soul as I watch it weeping with fear and sorrow.
A soul you have only shattered by being so religiously abusive towards.
Come child, sit beside me at church today. For a moment you can forget that I plan to punish and love you my way later.
STOP THAT YOU SON OF A BITCH
I refuse to sit quietly while you morally and ethically harm and injure another child of God.
An innocent child.
A spirit made of pure LOVE.
How could you?
How can you?
She loves you unconditionally even when you believe she failed you in the eyes of a MAN MADE BOOK of many interpretations.
Where is GOD in that?
Where is LOVE in that?
Shame on you.
Shame on you for shunning her.
Shame on you for belittling her.
Shame on you for expecting her to believe in everything you are telling her.
Shame on you for expecting her to accept that kind of love.
The kind of LOVE THAT GOD IS NOT.
This comes today from someone who’s been force fed poisonous religions, yes plural, like IV fluids are fed to a vein.
A wise woman once said to me, “Grab your ass and hold.” She was NOT kidding.
This is me passing on her advice.
I choose GOOD today.
I choose LOVE today.
I choose God today.
Feel the difference.
There’s Religion and there’s God.
There’s too much of one and not enough of the other.
Life is too beautiful to be so cruel in religion.
Life has too much beauty in it to be anything other than God.
Good and Bad, sure, there’s both. Does evil exist? Yes. It is a sad truth it walks the same earth we do. But God is NOT evil.
If someone tells you God is anything other than loving, please pray your way through that with all your might.
I believe they say that to trick you into falling into a close minded trap.
If the shoe doesn’t fit, DON’T WEAR IT.
Even God hopes you find your church, your ability to pray and your inner peace.
Those that try to steal that JOY from your heart, those are thieves.
Protect your heart and your heaven at all costs.
Before I thump you back with some LOVE.
P.S. These are the girls you tried to break.